I think this season has been a bit of a mixture. I feel like it’s got better towards the end of the season. We’ve just been so busy and so full on, there was a little gap where I actually got a COVID, and that seems to change a little bit of something, I can’t kind of pinpoint exactly what, possibly spending 10 days in bed being sick. But since then I sort of almost relaxed a bit. I’ve talked about before, you know, just trying to really zone in on what do I want any the end of my career. I’m not getting any younger, you just never know what’s going to happen.
So I think that the little bit of change in mentality probably possibly relaxed me in some ways, but also motivated me in ways to just think, how many more times will I play, say the Black Ball Open, or the US Open, all these tournaments? And it changed the perspective a little bit to enjoy going to these events. I think, through COVID, it was quite tough being in bubbles and things like that, and there was definitely periods being sat in a room, at 32 years old, you’re thinking: is this really what I want to be doing spending 23 hours of the day, in a room by myself? And then coming out of that, I think it’s just been really about enjoying going to tournaments, and joining seen, you know, making the most of seeing different cultures, different hearing different languages, all these things that I actually enjoy about the sport, and trying to make the most of it.
It seems to be coming into my squash now. I think, closely looking at what motivates me now, compared to when I was 21 and just that desire to do the best that I can to make Joelle proud, as opposed to worrying about what other people think or who cares about my results or whatever. It’s just at the end of each match, can I go back to the room and be happy with myself that I gave it everything win or lose and just leave it all out there.
So I think that’s probably been quite a nice transition through this year, you know, when you’ve been doing it since you were 18 years old, as a pro, the travel, things like that, it can become a bit tough. So I’d say falling back in love, not necessarily with squash, but just the whole thing. Enjoying the tournaments, enjoying being away, because at some stage, I’m not going to do that anymore. And, as I say, just being proud of me, knowing that I’ve done everything leading up to the tournament, to put my best self out there and win or lose, you just have no regrets.